The OutsideTheLines
Feature of the Month

For June, 1998

"This Is What Happens
When You Wake Up At Three"

A collective Round Robin story by; J.B.McDonald, who really hates insomnia (yes dear, we know :),Yona, who is also a happily raving insomniac, and Paul Tran who is regarding the other two veeeeeeeery carefully.

Disclaimer: Gen X, Xavier's School, and all other things X belong to Marvel Comics. Everything else was thought up. We make no money in writing this. Please do not sue. If you like the story please e-mail one of the above addresses or post your own on the New Generation X Round Robin Message Board (yeah, this is a plug). Each part is a separate installment from someone.

--the Impar

Part 1

Bobby yawned widely, scratching his head. Damn, but he hated waking up this early. Three o' clock in the morning was not a good time to be awake. He wandered the halls restlessly, peering into bedrooms and down hallways. He was visiting Generation X for the week, standing in for the White Queen while she did seminars on whatever it was she was doing.

Bobby looked in on Jubilee, chuckling softly as he remembered the time she'd tied his feet to the bedpost and then dumped ants all over him. It'd only taken a second for him to free himself using his ice powers, but it had still been a good trick. His eyes narrowed. Now that he thought about it, he'd never gotten her back for that.

Iceman turned and headed the other way, toward the kitchen in a sort of shuffling, leaning too far forward way. It was the dead-tired-and-can't-sleep walk, and lately Bobby'd had it more often. But by golly, if he wasn't going to sleep then Jubilee wasn't either.

Walking to the fridge he opened it up--almost falling back in the process and looked inside. Nothing. He grinned as inspiration struck and headed back to his room. Ah! Marbles. He held them up for a minute, concentrating on the little globes. There. Frozen. Frozen marbles were the worst, they rolled toward your body no matter where you moved. Grinning spastically, he slunk back to J's room, then poured the things into her bed and quickly left.

Jubilee awoke from a wonderful dream to find freezing things crawling all along her back. She was out of bed and down the hall in a flash, heading toward the alarm. An arm reached out and grabbed her before she could make it, hauling her away.

"Shh, Jubes, it's me!" Bobby hissed, laughing. "You have to be quiet, the others are sleeping!"

She wrenched herself free and glared up at him, remembering now their on-going pranks when she'd been at the mansion. Always out of sight of Scott or anyone else who would disapprove. Suddenly she grinned. "So that's the rule?" she whispered. "No waking anyone? I can do that. You're dead, popsicle."

Bobby laughed and watched her stalk down the hall. The rest of the night would be . . .interesting.


Part 2

Jubilee watched as the Iceman walked off. **Supersoaker? Hrmm. . . no, he'd just freeze it before it got to him. . .Plastic wrap over the toilet? No. . . 'cause everyone uses the bathroom. . .** Jubilee sat down in the hallway, perplexed. She thought of many ways to get back at Bobby, but none of them seemed like viable options. Either they would wake someone up or do serious damage to Bobby's person. Suddenly, she had an Idea. . .


Part 3

Like a snake through the grass, Jubilee crawled through the trap door in Bobbo's closet floor and peered through the sliding door at his back as he watched the doorway to his room.

'He's waiting for me to come through,' she mentally thought to herself as she slowly slinked across the soft carpet to bed where he giddily sat, wrongly anticipating her next move.

Suddenly, a bright flare of colors burst in his face and he jumped, hitting his head against the ceiling. Smiling, Jubilation jumped on the bed, pushed him down and pulled his underwear up. He gasped at the wedgie and froze the small areas of his bed where his hands lay.

Jubilee skipped out of the room. As the door quietly closed behind her, Robert Drake's eyes rose to meet her fading back and glared for revenge.


Part 4

The Iceman, a superhero who had fought countless villains, made Scott mad all the time, flaunted his youth in the Beast's face (just because Beastie-Boy was thirty and Bobby wasn't) had met his match. No, it wasn't Jubilee. He was still certain he could defeat her. It was . . . a skunk. How to get a skunk under Jubilee's window without getting sprayed? That was the real challenge. But he was up to it.

Ice creeped along, finally reaching it's paws. The thing ran, hopping around in it's effort to keep from touching the cold, unseasonable ice.

Ha! Bobby thought triumphantly. Got it! He backed waaaaaay up and picked up his SuperSoaker V8 2000 then shot it. Sure enough, it let out a skunk-squeal and shot stench into the air. Bobby cackled evilly(tm) and ran. Now to find Jubes and make sure she wasn't hurting his things . . .


Part 5

Bobby opened the door to his room and found white lingerie staple gunned to the walls. Jubilee had been collecting Frost's underwear? Emma would never believe he didn't pilfer the goods without a psychic probe. Nobody believed him in times like these ever since he was caught trying to try on Betsy's thong uniform. Suddenly, he had an idea as a smile crossed his face.

///FLASH!!! FLASH!!!\\\

The IceMan's head whipped around to see two small bear claws and a yellow trench coat retreating about the corner and one polaroid of him smiling with a pair of lacy garter belts seemingly pressed to his cheek lying in the doorway to his guest room.


Part 6

Bobby worked swiftly as he completely destroyed any sort of organization the kitchen cabinets had contained. He had found the sugar, and the red dye, and the rubber bands, but something was missing and seemingly not in the particular cabinet he was rifling through. 'Where IS it? How can Emma NOT keep this stuff in the mansion? She's a pretty kinky gal, I'd imagine. . . AHA! The honey!' Bobby smiled as he crept off to fix up his next prank.


Part 7

Jubilee, armed with her soda can, bear claw slippers, and picture of a nekkid M to scare off Bobby, waited silently in the hall closet. If she waited, he would come.

Bobby cackled evilly (which was the only way to cackle this late at night) and shook up his bottle of honey. . .

(JB's note: Hey! I just felt an earthquake! That's what happens when you can't sleep.
You feel this stuff that no one else does. Now back to our irregular program . . .)

. . . and red dye. He eyed the wall outside Paige's room speculatively. Jubilee would kill him for this. But whatta way to go.

Grinning like a maniac (the only way to grin this late--er, early in the morning), he uncorked the bottle, squirting it along the wall. The red dye would stain, leaving a mark even if Jubes should happen to see it and try to get it off. The honey would make it stick long enough for the dye to stain.

"PAIGE--I LOVE YOU!" he wrote, then signed it, "YOURS 4EVER, JUBILEE"

Chuckling quietly to himself, he slunk away, prepared to use his sugar and rubber bands in the most dastardly of ways . . . .


Part 8

Jubilee got sick of waiting eventually. She decided Bobby wasn't coming, and exited the closet. She walked into the hallway that (unbeknownst to her) Bobby had just vandalized. Then she looked at the wall. A small but audible whine of horror came out of her mouth. She covered her mouth in order to keep from screaming and waking everyone else up. But there was no time to lose. She had to have payback. *Payback is hell, Mr. Drake.* She thought.

Meanwhile. . .Bobby was in Jubilee's bedroom, careful not to wake Paige. He was hooking up his latest invention, a surefire way to get Jubilee good. He had found some small baggies and razor blades. He had mixed the red honey and the sugar and placed it in said baggies. When Jubilee finally laid down to rest, she would be sorry. No matter what, he would have the last prank. He had managed to pick up one extremely long rubber band, and hooked it to a spring under the bed. When rubber band stretched, it would release the other rubber bands that had miraculously hooked up to the razor blades without getting sliced. The razor blades would then open the baggies, which had been concealed on the ceiling above her pillow oh-so-discreetly, and then. . .


Part 9

Jubilee wandered the halls restlessly, a wide-eyed "I'm-up-at-two-in-the-morning" look on her face. Combined with that was the horrible knowledge that come morning her rep would be ruined. She had to get Bobster.

Slowly she headed down into the rec room, where his joker hat lay on top of the musical instrument he'd been tormenting them with earlier that day. The dastardly kazoo. Then a thought struck. And it was a good one. And she grinned.

Bobby clutched his water gun filled with bar-b-q sauce close to his chest as he walked the halls, wondering where Jubes might be now. She wasn't in her room, she wasn't in his room and she wasn't in the closet anymore. He was worried.

Jubilee cackled evilly (tm) and laid the kazoo just outside the girl's bathroom, where it was sure to be found, along with a porno tape she'd been dared to take from Blockbuster the other day. *Per*-fect. Heh. She knew he was a dork, now everyone else would think so too--only for different reasons. She cackled again and left the room.


Part 10

Jubilee walked away from the girls' bathroom. 'Just wait'll he sees THAT! Or better, wait until someone ELSE sees that!' She giggled softly to herself. She turned the corner, but just when she did . . .SPLAT! She was hit with a brownish liquid right in the chest! And again!

And Again! "Bobby! I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you for this! These are my favorite pajamas!" she whispered, furious. She went back in her room to change. She was about to sit down on the bed when she noticed something on the ceiling that hadn't been there before. She stood on the bed to get a better look. 'Looks like. . .' GLOP! Her thoughts were interrupted as Bobby's last contraption dumped on her head, and coincidentally, all over her favorite PJ's.

She was fuming. Silently. Paige was still asleep. So as not to have to ruin another pair of pajamas, Jubilee took a pair of Paige's and put them on. She exited the room, planning another devious scheme to hit Bobby hard with another prank.

Meanwhile. . .

Nicole had just woken up, for no apparent reason. She had to go to the bathroom, but she was very sleepy and she didn't want to get up. But she did anyway. As she walked through the door to the bathroom, she noticed a little something outside the door . ..


Part 11

Bobby walked toward Jubilee's room to prepare for his next prank. As he passed the bathroom, he noticed a small girl crouched by the door, looking at something curiously.

"Hello, Nicole." He whispered.

'Sheite, did I wake her up?' he thought.

"Hi Bobby. I found your kazoo on the floor. I found this movie, too. 'Romancing the Bone.' What kinda movie is that? Is that the one with Michael Douglas?" she whispered back.

Bobby turned bright red. 'Where did that come from? I rented that three weeks ago, but I could have sworn I returned it! Oh, God!'

"Um, no, Nicole, it's not. What are you doing up?" he asked, flustered.

"I had to go to the bathroom."

'Jubilee. This is her work. I'm gonna kill her. No. . .I'm gonna get her back so bad she won't even know what hit her.'

"Well, why don't you run along and go to the bathroom, and then go back to bed?"

"OK, Bobby."

"Goodnight, Nicole."

"Night!" She called softly.

Bobby created an ice slide so he wouldn't pound down the hall running. 'She is a dead girl.'

<Yona (with her cohort Mary, the goddess of love and peacefulness)>

Part 12

The first stop Bobby made that night was to the local AM/PM Mini mart. There was no way she was going to get him that bad without retribution. Jubilee was a dead child. If he had to he'd pluck out her nose hairs one by one . . . but he didn't think he'd have to.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion . . .

Jubilee giggled evilly (tm) and preceded to shave Sean's legs. Just wait until Sean got his hands on Bobby . . . . since, of course, Sean would think the older X-Man had done it. Due, not in any small part, to the photo lying on the floor. The same one that Bobby had been showing to Jubilee--and Jubilee to Sean--earlier that night. Heh. Bobster was dead meat.

Back at the mini-mart . . .

"I need that 'Playgirl,' that 'Playboy,' that 'Nurses,' the sexiest lingerie you can find, and that stationary and calligraphy pen."

The man's eyes were almost popping out of his head in curiosity as he packed up the things and watched the guy slide--ulp!--out the door. Weird.

Once back at the school Bobby slunk around, writing on his new note-paper in calligraphy. Thank goodness Jean had made him learn for her wedding invitations. he grinned as he looked at the note. Oh yeah. This would be good.

Slowly he walked down the hallway, ever so careful NOT to meet up with Jubilation. Finally! He crept into Jono's room, pinned the note to the lingerie and slunk out. Quietly he cut and pasted until he'd replaced all the men's faces in the Playgirls, Playboys and Nurses magazines he'd found with Jono's and Skin's faces, then left that by the bed and slunk out. Ha.

When Jono awoke he'd find a note from "Jubilee" saying that . . . well, to keep his thoughts PG Bobby veered away from what it said. But it was interesting and involved many . . . interesting things, along with fellow Gen X'er, Skin. Bobby grinned evilly and headed to Aneglo's room to repeat the process.


Part 13

Jubilee placed the razor quietly in the trash can in Bobby's room, just in case there was an investigation. She walked back down the hall and noticed Angelo and Ev's door open. Ev was looking out of the door quizzically.

"Hey, Jubes, what are you doing up?" he said sleepily. He was standing in the doorway in only his boxers.

'Oh, no. . . I thought the point was not to wake people up. . . uh-oh'

"Just. . . uh. . . can't sleep! Yeah, that's it! Couldn't get a wink." She replied.

"Oh. Well, have you seen Angelo? He just kinda bolted out of here suddenly." It being that Ev was in his boxers, the thoughts that were crossing Jubilee's mind were. . . um. . . explicit. To say the least.

"Nope. No Idea." She gave Ev a quick kiss and ran off as she said "but I'm going to find out!! Go back to sleep! Please!"

As she approached the stairs leading towards Jono's room in the basement, she heard wild male laughter. 'Oh no. What has he DONE?' She knocked on the door. "Jono?"

~Oh, god, mate, it's Jubilee (snicker). What do we do?~ He directed at Ange, so Jubilee wouldn't hear.

"Let her in, hombre. Let's embarrass her."

~OK. Yeah, Jubes, come on in 'ere. We got something you might be interested in seeing.~

Jubilee entered the room, and looked at what was on Jono's bed.

~I woke up an' found this on me dresser.~

Jubilee's eyes widened in shock and she clamped her hands to her mouth. Too many people were awake as it is and she let out a growl of frustration at Bobby. "Henh. . .grrwawl. . . dead. . . dead man. . . Bobby. . . dead man. . . grrrrrwwwwaaaaaaawwwwwlll!" She stuttered.

"What about Bobby, chica?"

Pure hate and anger filled her voice and eyes as she replied, "Nothing. Nothing. Just go back to bed." She grabbed the calendar and the note and stormed out of the room.

It was now 5:40 AM.

Sean woke up to prepare for his training session. He stretched up then looked down. The windows shattered as he let out a psionic howl of great magnitude as he stared with shock and horror at his newly-shaven legs. Sean stormed into Bobby's room. Bobby had finally crashed on his bed at four AM, confident that he would have the last prank.

"Wha' is the meanin' o'this???"

Bobby awoke with a start. That's how tired he was. He didn't notice his windows shattering. "Th'meaning of what, Sean?" He yawned as he replied sleepily.

"Look a'me! Me legs!! Look a'this! What 'ave ye done t'me?"

Bobby took one look at Sean's bare legs and began howling with laughter. "When did that happen, Sean?"

"I dinnae, but yuir me first suspect, lad!"

The razor was found, in the trash can, where Jubilee had oh-so-discreetly hidden it. The ensuing investigation was brutal, if not cruel and unusual for Bobby. They were both sentenced to cleaning the ENTIRE mansion every day for the next week, but none of it mattered.

Jubilee had gotten the last prank.

Jubilee had won.



Somewhere in the woods where she had paused from jogging, Paige Guthrie grinned as she flipped the pages of her newfound Playgirl magazine...


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"This is What Happens When You Wake Up At Three"
©J.B.McDonald, Yona, and Paul Tran
June, 1998

©David D. Amaya

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